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Help on the journey

Age

Some tips from Age’s experience for young people struggling with issues related to their sexuality.

  1. GET STUCK INTO GOD
    I can’t encourage you enough in this! For years I viewed my struggle as something I wanted God to take away from me, to remove from my life but it was actually my struggle that forced me to throw myself upon God day after day after day (seeking His help to change) - and that has brought me so much closer to him. See your struggle as an opportunity for you and God to grow closer. I wouldn’t have the relationship I do with God today if I’d never struggled with my sexuality! Stuck in this area? Don’t know how to get into God? Ask a pastor, youth pastor or Christian friend who’s a bit further down the track than you to help you grow in this area.
  2. FIND OUT AND BELIEVE WHAT GOD SAYS ABOUT YOU
    A key to me finding freedom was to begin to believe what God says about me. I had a pretty low view of myself which my sexual struggles only served to reinforce. I came to a point where I started choosing to believe the truth about who I am in God’s eyes, instead of buying into the lies I’d allowed the enemy to feed me! After all, if God created and designed me and breathed life into me, it makes sense that He must know the truth about who I am and what I’m created for.

    To believe what God says about you, you need to know what God says about you. The Bible, God’s Word is chock-a-block full of tasty truth to start believing. Here’s a bunch of verses that I found helpful:

    Psalm 139:13-16 (God handcrafted you and He is a master craftsman!)
    Zephaniah 3:17 (God takes great delight in you - He sings about you!)
    2 Corinthians 5:21 (Through Christ, we’re made righteous in God’s eyes)
    Ephesians 1:4-8 (God has chooses us, adopts us as His own kids, forgives us and pays for our freedom from the effects of sin through Jesus death. That’s how valuable you are in His opinion!!!).

    This is what God thinks of you!!! Get that going round your brain and let it sink in to who you are at the core of your being.

  3. RE-PROGRAMME!
    When you choose to feed yourself ungodly thoughts and act on them (whether in your head or physically) for a long period of time, it takes significant time and effort and help from God to be able to clean out the junk in your head and actually believe the truth of what God says! One of the best ways I found to help replace the junk I was taking in with God’s truth was to get a handful of verses from the Bible (like the ones above) and commit them to memory. I don’t know how it happens but when you feed on God’s Word often and regularly, over a period of time it’s like it pushes out the junk that you’ve fed on in the past. To memorise the verses I got a bunch of business card sized bits of thin cardboard and wrote my verses on them and simply set aside a few minutes a day where I’d read them, think on them, commit them to memory and ask God to help me believe them!
  4. FIGHT - RESIST SIN - CHOOSE
    At the same time as taking in the truth of God’s view of who you are, learn to fight! God’s Word is described as an offensive weapon in the bible but few Christians know how to use it in battle. To learn to fight I committed another group of verses from God’s word to memory.

    Here’s a few:

    1 Corinthians 10: 13 (You can beat temptation!)
    1 John 1:9 (When you confess, God forgives 100% of the time)
    Philippians 4:8 (Think about that which is good)
    Psalm 119:37 (Keeping your eyes on the right stuff)
    Romans 8:38 (Nothing - not even my worst sin can keep me from God’s love)
    Romans 12:2 (I don’t have to do what the world shouts at me from every angle to do. I can do what please God instead).

    It was with these verses that I learnt how to fight and combat the schemes and lies that the enemy wanted me believing. Maybe you recognise some of the lies: (that you’re no good, that God will never forgive you completely, that you can’t beat temptation, that you’ll never win). I’d get a verse, commit it to memory and use it whenever I was tempted or feeling heaped up with guilt when I gave in to temptation. Something that really helped me in the midst of the fight was realising that every time I get tempted to think about or do the wrong thing I’ve got a choice! Every second of every day I get to choose what I allow to go through my mind!!! My choice can lead me down a path to sin OR my choice can lead me down a path of pleasing God! At the bottom line there comes a question - who do you want to please most? Your own desires or God?

    It’s not easy - sometimes you choose your desires (sometimes it feels like they make the decision for you!!!) but you always get a choice! And though today you might have chosen poorly, you get to choose again right now whether you’re going to stay on the same path or whether your going to choose the right path for the next few minutes!!!

    Part of fighting is running! Run from and avoid situations that you know will likely lead you to make poor choices! What do I mean? If you have an internet pornography problem remove your access to the internet or ask someone to do it for you! Don’t make excuses - just do it! Recognise the practical things that you can do that will set you up to make good choices!

    One last thing here - instead of seeing temptation as something to get through and survive somehow - see it as an opportunity to choose the right thing and please God. If your response when tempted is to choose to honour God, Satan is not going to want to keep tempting you cos he doesn’t want you choosing anything that pleases God!

  5. TAKE A RISK - TALK TO SOMEONE
    I’m convinced that you cannot experience true freedom by yourself! There comes a point where you need to put yourself on the line and share with someone about your struggles! It is one of the hardest things in the world to do but can be a massive step in the direction of freedom! The first person I shared with didn’t really know what to say or do but just listened and prayed for me and accepted me. That gave me the courage to tell my pastor who was able to help me start getting free! Don’t tell the world all at once - start with someone that you trust who is a mature Christian. Be prepared that they might not know what to say to you when you share with them (while you’ve had time to think about your struggle and understand it - they haven’t), so don’t expect a miracle from them. Help them by asking them to just encourage you and pray for you and stand by you as you try to pursue God!

    Romans 8:37 says ‘WE are more than conquerors’. This step was my BIG obstacle. I didn’t have the guts to put myself out there in front of someone and get real and say this is where I’m at, I need some help! I couldn’t do it! If Satan can keep you isolated, you have no hope of winning! None whatsoever! Take a risk! You might just find you’re not rejected or shunned but that you receive God’s grace through another broken person! If you share with someone who reacts negatively have the courage to try again.

    It’s not just about one-off sharing but being accountable to someone or a small group of people! We all need that no matter what we struggle with! Some might disagree but I reckon all Christian guys need other Christian guys that they are accountable to regarding their sexuality simply because we’re blokes and we’re sexual beings! This is not a battle you’re likely to win on your own! So find someone who’ll fight alongside you, pray for you, ask you the tough questions that’ll help you keep on track!

    Over time you may find God leads you to share with others about your journey (your small group or church or others). Be sensitive to God’s leading in this - let God direct you! Don’t be surprised if God uses your story to encourage and help others in their journey!

  6. GET SOME HELP GETTING TO THE CORE OF THE ISSUE
    The journey is not about changing sexual behaviour and thinking. To experience healing and freedom requires understanding what’s happening beneath the surface of your struggle that leads you to act and think the way you do, (shame, isolation, rejection, abuse, poor self-esteem, etc). This will likely involve exploring some painful memories or relationships which is best done with the help of a counsellor or pastor who has some experience in these areas. Prayer ministry can also be a significant part of this journey. For me this step involved meeting a number of times with my pastor, talking about my struggle, my relationship with my parents, my lack of good friendships with other guys as I was growing up, my exposure to pornography at a sensitive age and so on.
  7. JUST DON’T GIVE UP
    No matter how many times you completely stuff it,
    No matter how many times you find yourself seeking God’s forgiveness,
    When you think God is ready to give up on you,
    Pick yourself up off the floor and step back into the arena, pick up your sword, remind yourself of the truth, call on some others to fight with you and get back in the battle! Don’t give up cos God, ‘who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus’, (Philippians 1:6).

WE’D LIKE TO HEAR WHAT YOU THINK of how YOU’VE BEEN IMPACTED BY THIS ARTICLE?

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